Stop whining and start pissing

A few protesting idiots had reduced Akbar the Great to Akbar the Miserable and three of the four BIMARU states (Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and UP) and, ironically, the state with probably the highest rate of female infanticide in the country (Haryana) had banned the movie Jodhaa Akbar just because some fringe Rajput mobs protested about some parts of the movie (maybe, just maybe, Gowarikar has married off poor Akbar to his daughter-in-law). For whatever it is worth, the Supreme Court of India has lifted the ban. How it affects the situation on the ground remains to be seen. Seeing the number of right wing groups protesting, the protests seem to be more about the Islamic antecedents of the characters than anything else.

Coming to the movie itself, who cares if it is historically accurate or if Akbar marries his (supposed) daughter-in-law! Let him go and marry his father-in-law if he so wishes! Gowarikar has not tied up people to chairs in cinema halls and forced them to watch it, has he? Going on a tangent here, but, recently, the Chief of the Indian Army created a controversy when he talked of the possibility of a draft to solve the massive officer shortage in the army. With various patriotic senas more interested in burning books and attacking cinema halls rather than showing their patriotism by joining the army, no wonder there is a huge shortage of officers. On the other hand, it is doubtful whether these people can be trusted to do basic stuff like polishing boots or cleaning toilets, let alone fight enemies. Who would take care of them if they soiled their pants fighting in Kashmir. After all, beating up a bespectacled history professor and doing the same to a terrorist are two different things.

These violent protests and similar insanities happen with such boring (and alarming) regularity that the government of India ought to think on the lines of passing a law so that these issues can be sorted out amicably. I can even suggest a name for the law (I have used this acronym elsewhere, but it seems too good to give up just yet) – the Protection of Incredibly Stupid Sentiments of Incredibly Nasty Goons Act 2008. A few more suggestions for the government .

  • A million member commission should be formed to decide on the future of every book, play, movie, television show, poem and painting ever created as also those yet to be created. Everything that is anti Indian culture can be banned without the public laying hand on the offending material.
  • This commission’s membership should primarily consist of politicians and representatives from every sena, brigade, pratisthan, parishad, dal, league and party. All those jobless idiots who run amok every time some one tramples upon their sentiments should be given special veto powers for the bravado they displayed while scaring the crap out of families who dared to go out and watch a movie on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
  • Since these groups are hardly doing this great deed out of self interest, but to save Indian culture or for sundry patriotic reasons, what better meeting place for the commission than the Red Fort and that too after the Independence Day and Republic Day ceremonies are over. They can even help the cleaning crews working on Raj Path after these massive events.
  • This is a highly efficient way of protecting Indian culture and saving a billion poor unintelligent Indians from being influenced by stuff way above their comprehension capacity.

So lets enact the PISSING Act and settle these controversies once and for all.

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